No Mommy I Wont Do It Again Ill

I demand some advice. I have a 70 YO mother who has many health issues and is in terrible physical shape. She is not overweight, but has very little energy, tin can non walk very far and gets tired and ill extremely easily. It is my belief, and the belief of her doctor's, that many of her wellness issues can be helped significantly with mild exercise and a meliorate planned diet. However, my mother is non very open to this at all, because she thinks such efforts volition take too long to plan, are too hard, have besides much time, and any other excuse she can think of. When I tell her that she can exercise just 20 minutes a day (like walking upward her street and back, or walking the length of her backyard a few times), she finds excuses why that won't work every bit well. Her mindset is that any attempt, fifty-fifty a small 1, volition take too long and be as well much of a chore. My mother does not work nor does she have obligations that take upward a lot of her time. She has more time on her hands than anyone to practise and develop a dietary programme.

I am concerned because I do non know how I can help her further and she seems to get testy with me when I make recommendations. Also, I have 2 immature kids right now with a tertiary on the way, and I really demand to dedicate my time and energy to them. When I say she is in bad physical shape, I really mean it... she walks more similar an 80+ year old than a lxx YO. I think the effect is her mental attitude of not wanting to take command and make things meliorate for herself and preferring that others take care of the problem for her which, in this case, is non possible. Besides, her lack of energy and concrete force make information technology extremely difficult for her to manage any type of stressful state of affairs. She complains that certain events that accept happened "made her very ill and in bed for days", but as you all know, in life, there will be stressful events and one needs to be somewhat resilient to manage them. She has no resilience to even small-scale stressful events or changes, which has me concerned. Anyone else have this feel or have advice? Should I just not worry nigh it because I have done all I can? Not sure what I tin can practise at this point that is within my control...

Thanks for whatsoever advice.

This sounds like low. Notice a therapist that specializes with crumbling.

I notice with my female parent (and with virtually people) that if I phrase things similar "yous should be exercising 20 minutes a twenty-four hour period" she shuts down. However, if I say something like "I'm coming over and I really need you to walk with me downwardly to XYZ street because there is a fabulous dress there that I absolutely take to take your opinion on" she is in. Now, XYZ street just happens to be a twenty minute walk from where she lives and we get excercise that manner. It makes it more of a social activeness.

Can you build activities with her? And melt with her?

Bearding wrote:This sounds like depression. Find a therapist that specializes with aging.

+1

Likewise remember that visiting her, having her visit you, etc. are good for her even though they don't sound then pleasant for you. Are there whatever other family members, friends, or neighbors who can encourage her to get treated for depression, exercise a little, and go out of the house? If at that place's a senior centre she could go to for cards or knitting or something, that volition be ameliorate than sitting at home, and they might be able to eventually suck her into an practise class.

I accept a father in a like position. I accept accepted that it is his life and he is responsible for his choices. Not much I can do about information technology. (This is the conclusion my therapist and I decided.) Parents exercise not similar free advice from their kids....much like we don't like complimentary communication from our parents, right? That's why your mom gets angry.

Anonymous wrote:I have a male parent in a similar position. I have accepted that it is his life and he is responsible for his choices. Not much I can do near it. (This is the conclusion my therapist and I decided.) Parents do non similar complimentary advice from their kids....much like we don't similar gratis advice from our parents, correct? That'south why your mom gets aroused.

My mom is the aforementioned equally OP'south. She doesn't want to help herself, just wants others to do for herself. I hold it'south likely depression just like the PP I also agree that there's merely so much you tin can practise.

OP hither - thanks for the tips. I live cross country from her so unfortunately, can't practice daily or weekly activities with her. My siblings and father aren't very helpful either. She is taking a class now which has helped a bit. I try to phrase things similar I'one thousand not telling her what to practise - i.e., "why don't we try this?" Unfortunately, because I alive far away, I can't manage her activities - she really needs to do information technology herself but it'due south hard to become her to practice anything proactive herself. Someone contained has to get her to do it. It's starting to get like that with everything and I am finding it personally draining for me. For instance, if she comes to visit us, I accept to brand all her travel arrangements, figure out her schedule and do all the logistical things - she won't do any of it merely I know she actually wants to come and visit. Another case - she wants a new photographic camera, but would really prefer I inquiry what she should get it and become it for her, read the directions myself, and then teach her what the directions say, instead of her but reading the directions and learning herself. Not to get on a tangent hither but do you see where I am going with this? I don't have the time to contribute to all of this and even if I did, I don't want to constantly concur a person's manus when they are capable of helping themselves. I believe she wants someone to help her do everything then she doesn't accept to expend the endeavour, and and so gets mad when those close to her don't want to help her or are not enough help. Also, fifty-fifty we my married man and I do assist her with things, sometimes she is grateful, but other times she acts very entitled. I get the upshot with low, but at that place is absolutely no way she would ever seek counseling. It merely would not happen. Sorry for my rant... At this point, I feel like I should simply worry almost what is within my control, and this clearly isn't so there's non much more I tin can do.

Talk to her dr., he could put her on an antidepressant and she might not even know what it is for. This happened to my dad. He was depressed, I called his dr., told him what I knew.. anyway old school dr. said as long as he could dress himself he was not depressed. Fast forward a twelvemonth or two and the doc died and he got a new doctor and I found out he was prescribed an antidepressant -- I wondered why he seemed meliorate when I sawhim.

He was in an assisted living situation where he stopped and got meds everyday from the nurse, so he didn't really have to know what he was taking for what.

I think you would benefit from counseling so you lot don't keep beating yourself up virtually what you can't practice about your mom. I recollect the only solution is to is to get a geriatric social worker to help her out and brand suggestions. If that doesn't piece of work, there is nothing much you can do.

OP, I feel for you. My MIL refuses to do practice b/c it's not lady like. Information technology'south in part a generational thing. Your mom sounds depressed though, which doesn't help matters.

I would as well see if you can go what is essentially a infant proofer for her home, merely for adults:
http://www.ageinplace.org/practical_advice/making_your_home_senior_friendly.aspx

Ofttimes this can be paid for through health insurance.

Meals on wheels might be another pick (if she qualifies), so you know she gets fed and is seeing another homo being. She's probably lonely and isolated and trying to make yous feel guilty is her coping mechanism. GL

My mother: "Oh, yous know, I'll just die earlier, that'due south all."

Me: "That's not all - you volition exist in hurting throughout the final years of your life because you will exist ill all the time. We're trying to avoid the long-drawn out painful death here."

Same trouble here with my smoking, non-exercising parents. My mother has osteopenia and MS and to stop the osteo get any worse she should really exist receiving appropriately gentle weight-bearing exercise. Aforementioned to alleviate the MS.

The kicker is that all this would 100% COVERED under her plan. Merely does she go? NO!

She lives in Europe. I can't drag her to it.

Anonymous wrote:OP hither - thanks for the tips. I live cantankerous country from her and then unfortunately, can't do daily or weekly activities with her. My siblings and male parent aren't very helpful either. She is taking a class now which has helped a fleck. I try to phrase things like I'yard not telling her what to do - i.e., "why don't we endeavour this?" Unfortunately, because I live far abroad, I can't manage her activities - she actually needs to do information technology herself but it's difficult to become her to do annihilation proactive herself. Someone contained has to become her to do it. It's starting to go similar that with everything and I am finding information technology personally draining for me. For example, if she comes to visit us, I accept to brand all her travel arrangements, effigy out her schedule and exercise all the logistical things - she won't do whatever of it just I know she actually wants to come and visit. Another example - she wants a new photographic camera, simply would really adopt I inquiry what she should get it and become information technology for her, read the directions myself, so teach her what the directions say, instead of her only reading the directions and learning herself. Not to get on a tangent here but do y'all see where I am going with this? I don't take the time to contribute to all of this and even if I did, I don't desire to constantly hold a person's hand when they are capable of helping themselves. I believe she wants someone to aid her do everything so she doesn't have to expend the try, and and so gets mad when those close to her don't desire to help her or are not plenty help. Besides, even we my husband and I do help her with things, sometimes she is grateful, but other times she acts very entitled. I go the issue with depression, but there is absolutely no way she would ever seek counseling. It just would not happen. Lamentable for my rant... At this bespeak, I experience like I should only worry about what is within my command, and this conspicuously isn't so there's not much more I tin practice.

OP, you have described my mother exactly. It is extremely frustrating. She is basically all lonely since she refuses to get out and practice anything unless I or my brother become and get her, and I live 3 hours away and my brother while quite shut to her at this indicate is sick of my mother's "helplessness" so he rarely sees her. I am trying to observe an active adult customs (something like Leisureworld) where she tin can motility into so that she tin can at least have other people around her, a community dining room, etc. Of class, even if I detect a good fit for her, I don't know if she'll be willing to motion, only at that point I can say I've done everything for her that I tin can.

Does she feel a sense of purpose in life? If not, why would she want to stick around?

You have to accept that in that location is merely and then much yous can exercise, and that at the end of the day she is nonetheless an developed who must make her own decisions.

Practice some inquiry on independent living facilities and nursing homes and then you know the lay of the land when the time comes.

Realize that if you desire her to visit, you have to do all the work for her. Decide your limits on helping with other matters (like the photographic camera shopping).

You mention your father--where is he in all this? Is he capable of handling these kinds of tasks?

OP here - my dad helps a lot and is fairly independent. I think he occupies himself well with activities and things - doesn't just sit around the business firm watching television set all day like my mom. He is also a few years older. But, she doesn't trust that he tin do certain things and that is when she wants one of her kids to help. That doesn't actually bother me and so much, as I am happy to assist out with reasonable requests. But, with regard to her energy level and getting ill all the time, the just thing that will help her is a better nutrition and exercise. I, and the rest of our family, cannot do that for her, she has to practise it. I recollect if my dad pushed more, information technology would help, merely he doesn't because my mom just gets mad at him. While I empathize my mom is older at present and 70 is not terribly immature, I also recognize that she has been a piddling like this for most 13 years, only at present it is worse. Her mom was the same way...

God tin can I relate to this. Information technology's so frustrating and demoralizing to scout a parent decline in real time. I have found myself confused frustrated and aroused. I have ordered groceries to be delivered and arrived to encounter them still in bags. My mother has in effect given up. She will not listen to reason, business organization or cajoling. How long can this go I wonder. Her other children are far away struggle with habit or busy lives and she is fading away.

Leahy Lithad01

No Mommy I Wont Do It Again Ill

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